A Closer Look Into My Survivor's Remorse Workout

So here I sit,  excited about how I feel, look and how much happier I am being healthy. I mean its the BEST feeling ever to know that the countless of eating right and denying yourself that constant desire for fried chicken, mac and cheese and that sweet syrupy drink of sweet tea is nowhere on your radar.

But let's keep it 100 right up and thru here and face some disparaging facts concerning what it takes to maintain operation I workout with my shirt off.

NO BREADS: 
This is one of the most hardest battles that this relocated southerner has had to face on a constant basis. I can think of my mom sending me to the store when I was a kid for the half a pound of press ham, half a pound of cheese, mustard, chips, red faygo and the EVER popular loaf of bread. Imagine that cast iron skillet firing up and you assembling that bomb ass sammich aka Sandwhich not realizing on down the road that this will be our undoing.

As good as it is ??? It's a killer and it spikes our blood sugar levels to huge danger levels. I know I know, well Darian if you don't eat mass amounts of it you should be fine. Well my inner fat ass doesn't pay attention things like that and before the week is out??? The loaf is GONE and I'm the culprit!!!


NO FRIED FOODS:
Ok now I am coming from a place of COMPLETE honesty when I say this- Popeyes Chicken, Churches Chicken, Southern Classic Chicken and my Aunt Hattie's world famous recipe for fried chicken are things that dreams are made of. If its seasoned right, the oil is hot enough and the sides are seasoned to perfection???

You can get the keys to my car and I wouldnt know the difference. Sure its good in moderation BUT it's a killer and if you are anything like me and you might not be but I have a tendency to repeat bad habits when it comes to my food options. Lets just say when I would pull up to the window of the fast food spot a few years ago?? They knew me by my first name.


SWEET SUGAR DRANKS:
When I was a kid my mom didn't buy a shitload of sugary drinks but that didn't stop her oldest son from getting his hands on the bad stuff. We all have those family members who may not have the same rules that your parents enforce. Nothing against them because they mean well but it was here that I found out bout the jungle juices, hood juices, the EVER popular cokes, pepsi's and my personal fav - FAYGO.

When my mom would take us to the dentist - shout out to my momma - she would be so pissed when the dentist would notice decay. She was shocked but low key I wasn't because it was over my fam members houses I indulged. My beloved grandparents would let me get whatever I wanted when I was in Houston on summer and holiday breaks and this too aided me in my food addiction but it's what I wanted at the end of the day.

BUFFETS/BEST FRIENDS:
I finally moved out of my mom's house at the tender age of 19 *I wanted my freedom to be a bum* and got my own place and  I was ready for the big leagues. During this time that I embraced bad habits that would eventually haunt me. I didn't get involved in the drug game because I saw it too much growing up in my family and I thought I was fine but boy was I wrong.

Totally different drug was head my way

Life Science

You grow up and you deal with bad relationships, life's struggles and much more and what do you do???? Me and my homeboys/homegirls would meet up together and hit a buffet here and there - no big deal right?

Riiiiighhhhhttt!!! As time went on we all began to garner financial independence and snag good jobs. I began to notice that I couldn't fit those dope Banana Republic button downs or the fresh tshirts and jeans that I was accustomed to but I blamed it on my washer and dryer. The bad eating/no working out habits would continue for years because in my mind I wasn't in a bad place until



MR. MURRAY - YOU ARE GOING TO DIE:
Now Im well into my 30s and closer to my 40's and wasn't getting proper sleep, my  feet and legs hurt constantly, I was cranky and depressed and I didn't know why. I decided to get a checkup and it was there that my reality hit me like a ton of bricks. The MD who gave me my physical came into the room and wiped that arrogant look off my face with some blunt advice.

If I didn't change my habits and change them quick things wouldnt be good for me. By this time I had a fiancé and a niece who loved her uncle to no ends. My genetic breakdown wasn't the best because my mom, who worked out 5 days a week/ate healthy, was diagnosed with leukemia which she beat and my dad, who is a well known athletic coach/college joke, was diagnosed with diabetes at the same age I am now. He still works out and takes care of himself but the makeup was there and this is my reality so I knew things had to change.

I took control and began the workout process of maintaining and fall on and off. Things got serious real quick and I began to lose friends for various health reasons. Many were in the hospital and dealing with heart issues but we were young right? We loved our lives and we loved each other but the fear set in for me. I took control and it has been a tough battle but I want to live - point blank. The above mentioned moments have been severely reduced and I do my mental best to not partake but not always. I have my moments where I just HAVE to get that chicken strip meal on the way home to Louisiana and the coke is calling my name. I pick my self up, dust myself off and get right back to working out.


PLANT BASED FOODS:
Plant based foods are some of my best friends now and it doesn't cost  as much as I thought it would. I keep a bundles of kale/collards/swiss chard in my fridge not because it makes the fridge look modern but because it's saving my life.

QUINOA:
I loved my quinoa not because it looks good in my nice containers that I snapped up at the local home goods but for another reason.  It's an excellent combo that is naturally gluten-free and contains iron, B-vitamins, magnesium,vitamin E,fiber and all that other stuff I can't remember. I add my seasonings and viola it's bomb.

I bake all my chicken *Oven Fried is CRAZY GOOD*  and coat it with a mean jerk seasoning that brings me to my knees. I stay away from processed foods like sausage, hot links *SO MISS THOSE* and anything else made in a factory. The only red meat that I eat is ground turkey and I am slowly turning away from that but I just can't let go of my crazy good turkey meatloaf. Did I mention that I pair the meatloaf with a bomb side of whole wheat fiber mac and cheese???? BRUH!!!


WORKOUT:
I drink massive amounts of water and I constantly workout. I try my best to move around a lot and I spend a shitload of time in my yard/garden. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer the doctors told her that because she spent so much time in the ground/earth that the nurtriesnts actually helped her stay healthy.

I will never forget that so I stay in that zone and power walk at least three times a week at 6 miles.

18 MILES A WEEK, 72 MILES A MONTH, 864 MILES A YEAR = HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

I also have embraced the Zumba movement and I load up on oatmeal and banana's. Im 6'4 but I have always been a great dancer who can burn a dance floor down so its perfect for me. But make no mistake, I only do the zumba in my living room - I'm no fool.


SURVIVORS REMORSE:
This is a touchy subject for me because as much as I am excited about my lifestyle changes, my heart breaks for other reasons. So many of my friends are battling sickness these days and a part of me feels bad that I am flourishing.  I want to save as many of my love ones/friends as I can but I soon realized that it's not my battle to fight and for that my heart hurts.

Survivor Remorse (or survivor's guilt; also called survivor syndrome or survivor's syndrome) is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themselves to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event when others did not.

I have fears of getting phone calls that I have lost someone else who didn't win the weight/battle. I not only workout for myself but I work out for those like myself who are battling, those who lost the battle and those who don't realize there is a battle to fight.


Nevertheless - I keep working out for myself because I owe it to myself!!!!